Amanda Cordle Speaks About Fear Of Raising A Black Son

Fatal police shootings have become a familiar flashpoint—ripping away the façade of a nation tending its racial wounds. “I have over and over preached to my kids,” says Amanda Cordle of Irving, “follow every order, don’t argue, say as little as possible and only respond when you’re spoken to.” Her advice mirrors that no doubt repeated in African American households across the nation. But, Cordle is white. “When he walks out, [to me ] that’s my baby boy or my baby girl, when he walks out, they see a black male. A black kid.” And Cordle believes that to many, that will make him a threat. “He must get into trouble. He’s about to get into something. Watch him.” Cordle admits that for most of her life race and racism were electives: then she got a crash course when she married a black man—and had biracial children. One of them is a son. And although she’s had those tough talks before, the death of yet another black man in an altercation with police had her sending a frantic text to her now ex-husband to remind him to have that conversation with their 12-year-old dark skinned son, again. “To see the force that was used once he was down,” says Cordle of the death of Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge, “it tore my insides out.” So far, Cordle says her children have had good interactions with police. And yet, as she moves through the world as a white woman, she says she can bear witness to the fact that racism is real. “Very real… and it comes in all shapes and sizes.” Over the years, Cordle says she has been hesitant to speak out about the racism levelled at her and her children—even from those in the black community. “When I try to speak my mind, I get attacked from all different directions. Even in my Caucasian family, they still don’t know—because they don’t live it,” she says, while losing her battle to keep the tears at bay. “Just as a black family, I don’t know every day what they go through.” Meanwhile, her plan to stay sane while keeping her son safe? “We pray every morning,” says Cordle, “we teach our kids to be careful of who you hang around.” Still, she knows there is so much that will be beyond her control. “When you do every single thing right, something can happen and it’s out of control. That’s where you have to have faith and believe and know that God’s plan is God’s plan. But, all I can do is put in the ground work as a parent and pray that it gets them through.”